Adult fairytales

CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, andpromised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball,but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderellaagrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Anylater, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to behome by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn'tshow up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck andvery satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Yourdiaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met aprince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." The Fairy Godmotherstated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something or other.....

PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain aboutsplinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visitGepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaperwherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple weekslater, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him,"How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the BigBad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat,said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red RidingHood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a ...44 magnum andpointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, justlike it says in the book."

MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said toMickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."

SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him,knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me!Lie to me!"

Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him andduring her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to havesex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said,"Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, " Tarzan,you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She tookoff her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," shesaid, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, steppedcloser and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled aroundin agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.